Cynthia Nixon “MY left handedness was a choice”

Cynthia Nixon shocked the world, and by the world I mean some bloggers and a few of my facebook friends, when she said she made the choice of being left handed.  Left handed people shouted back and said she was being ridiculous because, to the best of their knowledge, they were born left handed and any attempt at writing with their right hand made them feel pretty stupid.

Cynthia Nixon rethought it and said that, yes, she was born amBIdextrous, but she hated that label because everyone regards amBIdextrous people to be scummy showoffs.

She’s partially right. AmBIdextrous people are right next to “reality show stars” in the spectrum of people we trust, and it’s sad because they’re people just like everyone else and they’re as trustful as your left handed and right handed neighbors.

Though I’m sad that little amBIdextrous children will listen to Cynthia Nixon and think they have to hide their amBIdexterity because everyone just uses their right or left hand.  Little kid, you are ambidextrous, and it’s time ambidextrous people everyone be out and proud.  When you date a left handed person, don’t pretend to be left handed, because writing with your right hand is also a big part of you.

AmBIdextrous people need to come out because there are some very confused and angry people people who are in right handed marriages who believe, very strongly, that left handedness was a choice. Imagine how their minds will be blown when they find out about you guys.

And right handed and left handed people, we need to accept the ambidextrous people very quickly because the people who write with their feet are coming up right after them.

 

 

Best paragraphs in my novel

I’ve done it! I’ve officially written the best paragraphs in my novel (so far).  Here they are with absolutely no context:

  Dust motes danced in front of Bryce as he stepped into the light.  Four center shelves filled with books towered above him, and the walls extended outwards and around in a sphere as they were abundantly full of manuscripts from top to bottom. He looked at the floor and found discarded pages, drawings, and books with no covers.  As he approached Seto’s desk he stopped and looked at a shelf, and languishing on it were loose pages, ripped binding, and more remnants of a time since passed.
  What seemed–at first–to be a library full of records, was now nothing more than a graveyard of pages.  No books had covers, and all the stories had burned beginnings and no endings.

Pro bono editors welcome.

No Cursing

Image found here

I developed two new years resolutions after the main event happened.  The resolutions snuck up on me throughout the beginning of January and I kept them because I figured they weren’t such bad ideas.

One is fairly traditional: Finish a novel.  We’ve got 14,000 words down and 80,000 to go and I’ve found the whole business of building a novel to be surprisingly do-able as I’m a windbag.

The second one is a bit more non-traditional and has offended a few sensibilities: I am not going to curse this year.

I think my generation was raised in a very prudish world of network television FCC guidelines, and the oppressive nature of these censors had a direct effect on how we communicate online.  While you couldn’t say certain words on TV, we found we could say all of the most horrible rude words on the Internet, and everyone went for it with amazing gusto.

When I started blogging I went for it too.  I had C-words, and N-words, and F-words, and in some cases I melded two or three curse words together to make new and crazier curse words.

Tags: curse words, howard stern, new years resolutions, patron saints

Mayan Apocalypse

I’ve become a happier person since the last update.

That’s a hard thing to convey without breaking out complicated plots that end up with people holding hands or a video of the It’s a Small World ride in Disneyland.

Oh what the hell.

Btw reading It’s a Small World described as the world’s happiest cruise makes me think of the world’s saddest cruise: It’s A Huge Improbable and Scary World where every rider is meant to think of the world as a huge uncaring place where your friend and family’s love isn’t real.

It’s A Huge Improbable and Scary World isn’t a big money-maker.

Anyway, this space is still mine and I’ve still thought about it for a great deal.  And now that I’m off of my Skyrim addiction I will start updating it again.  One of the bigger deals so far is that I’m writing a novel, fiction even, because making things up has been a strong suit of mine ever since I faked an illness at 13 to get out of mandatory Tae Kwon Do classes.

After I’m done I may tackle non-fiction; which wikipedia defines as: “the form of any narrative, account, or other communicative work whose assertions and descriptions are understood to be fact. This presentation may be accurate or not—that is, it can give either a true or a false account of the subject in question—however, it is generally assumed that authors of such accounts believe them to be truthful at the time of their composition”

Which sounds an awful lot like lying to me, but what do I know?

Tea Party Republicans vs Juggalos

I used to think Republicans were just assholes, but not until recently have I started to think of them as evolutionary dead ends.  

Their debates have included cheering for people dying and audience members booing a soldier because he was gay.  Weren’t these the same people who tried to guilt the entire country to “support our troops” no matter what?  Didn’t they have Sarah Palin parrot about “death squads” to prevent universal healthcare from happening?

Do they actually stand for anything?  

Here’s a thought experiment, tell me why it is wrong to commit genocide.  Here’s my answer: no matter who you choose to wipe out, you’ll be wiping out something of value, something worth saving, be it culture, values, kinship, art; a group of people, no matter how odious they appear to be, will be worth saving.

Tea Party Republicans are not worth saving. They have no culture, no art, no values to speak of, and they stand for nothing. They are husks of humanity, there’s nothing inside them and nothing of value to them.  Juggalos are worth saving over Republicans.  Here’s a juggalo in case you don’t know: 

 

They’re some of the worst people in the world: Mysogynists, racists, freeloading, and dirty as all hell, but if a house full of Juggalos was burning next to a house full of Tea Party people it would be no contest, I’m saving the Juggalos because they have some sort of value system that’s identifiable on a very base level.

 

Bert and Ernie being gay is as American as apple pie

Everyone knows that Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street are a gay couple.

Bert and Ernie being gay is as American as apple pie and baseball.  Maybe we didn’t know they were gay when we were kids, but a few years later we caught them on Family Guy  and saw them being gay in a musical, and it clicked all of a sudden.  Of course they were gay, and of course Liberace wasn’t waiting for the right one, and of course Freddie Mercury was in a band called Queen and made everyone sing gay songs. 

A bunch of internet absurdists signed a petition asking them to be married (note the creepy headline use of “Group” What group? GLAAD? The NCAA? Neo Nazis!?) . Sesame’s response was tasteful, but pop culture watchdogs were overwhelmingly negative.

Bert Ernie: Just Friends
5 Reasons why Bert and Ernie shouldn’t get married

Tags: oyvey

Get the fuck out of London

It’s bitter cynicism and hopelessness that causes a population to turn violent on their surroundings.  

The LA riots and the London riots aren’t about one political message because there isn’t any.  Asking a rioter why they riot is like asking a lion why they kill.  I think a population is shaped by their surroundings to be a violent and cruel animal that values nothing except for material goods looted from a store window.  If they are raised with no respect, no values, injustice by locals, and no education then they operate on a base level of lawlessness. 

And don’t think I’m defending the rioter, in fact, I’m warning the innocent people of London that their best recourse might be to run.  When a riot like this occurs then it is poison; even when the police stop the riot, the sentiment remains.  This riot is worse than a political upheavel that can be quelled, it is a cold and bitter thing, it is the fin on the man-eating shark.  

I ran from Los Angeles because I don’t think that city was interested in solutions. Friends in London, In the coming months pay attention to the response to this riot by your local government officials and by the police.  The riots shouldn’t have happened, they should have prevented a climate like this from swelling, but they did, will they fix things now? Will they be interested in reform? Will there be outreach? Education? 

If everything returns to business as usual then get the fuck out of there.

 

1 Year Anniversary

There’s a saying that a 1 year anniversary is 5 in gay years.  I realize now that this saying survives because of single people.  Yesterday the bf and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary and I speak with authority when I say that it didn’t feel like a year much less 5 gay ones.

Speaking with authority is a practice I want to get into more often as I get older, so in that spirit I’d like to offer up a bit of life experience regarding love.  

There was a moment where I realized that Ant and I could function on a level beyond what I can by myself, and it’s when we made Thanksgiving dinner together.  Previously I doubted I could ever make that meal, but with a few phone calls and some know-how, we prepared a meal that we both gobbled up.  The impossible task was accomplished and we were not only boyfriend and boyfriend but a team. This is when I realized that I needed this in my life.

The other bit of info is about butterflies in your stomach, which people claim go away with time. I suspect that’s inaccurate.  The butterflies in your stomach don’t go away, but you go about your day less mindful of them, similar to how one isn’t consciously aware that one is breathing.  I say this because when I see him waking up in the morning I am aware of those butterflies and I remember that I’m breathing.

Happy Anniversary Ant!

Obituary to my Netflix DVD Queue

I worked on you for hours and hours, researching, looking up ratings, reviews, and I was always secretly proud of you.  You were a monument to a variety of interests both comedic and tragic.  There was the intellectual foreign fare, the bloated superhero dramas, the horrible gay movies, the smut; the pleasures hidden between your lines were breathtaking.

You were the home of films I wanted my boyfriend to see and home of all the Ken Burns documentaries that nobody but me wanted to see. Every week I would forget what I had added and you would surprise me by showing up in my inbox in your bright red and happy trappings.  Remember when I forgot what was on top of my DVD queue and an email was sent to me saying that Ghostbusters was on its way but I meant to move it out of the queue because I had just caught it somewhere else? I do.

Honestly I had two other Netflix member’s passwords because they thought I could add more movies to their DVD queue.  Netflix, your customers entrusted me to entertain them with movie selections culled from your service.  It brought us all together and made so many people happy.

But you’re gone now.

We’ll deal the best way we possibly can, by moving on, either to some Redboxes or our local video store or…hey I hear the Internet streams movies illegally now.  Netflix DVD queue, you will be missed.  MY Netflix DVD queue…we’ll always have Woody Allen’s Manhattan Murder Mystery.

Play the video now please:

 

RIP: My Netflix DVD Queue

2010 – 2011

 
Breaking Bad: Season 1: Disc 2
Christopher and His Kind
Batman: The Animated Series: Vol. 1...
Breakfast on Pluto
Wrecked
Holy Mountain
Waltz with Bashir
Eastbound and Down: Season 1: Disc 1
Eastbound and Down: Season 1: Disc 2
Mitch Hedberg: Mitch All Together
Yi Yi
Charlie Bartlett
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Naked Boys Singing!
Leolo
In the Loop
Love and Death
Tokyo Godfathers
The Counterfeiters
Whip It
A Zed & Two Noughts
Nine
Nurse Jackie: Season 1: Disc 1
Nurse Jackie: Season 1: Disc 2
Nurse Jackie: Season 1: Disc 3
The Mysteries of Pittsburgh
Land of the Dead
Outrage
Crazy Heart
Breaking Bad: Season 1: Disc 3
Breaking Bad: Season 2: Disc 1
Breaking Bad: Season 2: Disc 2
Breaking Bad: Season 2: Disc 3
Breaking Bad: Season 2: Disc 4
Zoo
Charlie Wilson's War
Talhotblond
The Great Santini
The Bridge
Eastern Promises
Control
Blood Simple
Miller's Crossing
Tombstone
Get Him to the Greek
The Rundown
Splice
Predators
Layer Cake
Russian Ark
Ken Burns' The West: Disc 1
Ken Burns' The West: Disc 2
Ken Burns' The West: Disc 3
Ken Burns' The West: Disc 4
Ken Burns' The West: Disc 5
Solaris
Vertigo
Once
Inside Job
In Bruges
Best Worst Movie
The Purple Rose of Cairo
The Illusionist
Breaking Bad: Season 3: Disc 1
Breaking Bad: Season 3: Disc 2
Breaking Bad: Season 3: Disc 3
Breaking Bad: Season 3: Disc 4
Police Squad!: The Complete Series
Religulous

A Guide to Dealing with Social Injustice with The X-Men or How I Learned All My Morals from Saturday Morning Kids Shows

I think there are worse pop culture phenoms than the X-Men to base your morals on.  South Park, for instance, offers so many contradictions that you might as well sit down and take the Bible at face value.

You might have heard people compare Professor X to Martin Luther King Jr, a genial pacifist who believes we will all one day get along, and Magneto, his arch-rival, is Malcolm X, a man who believes in the separation of mutant and human.  Buying into this comparison robs X-Men of a few very important lessons though, so I’d like to shed light on a few of the great lessons the X-Men teach us and I’ll be focusing on the cartoons of the 90′s

Awesome intro.

Lesson 1) Magneto and his kind are fucking  jerks

Oh there goes Magneto breaking into a jail to break out mutants, oh there goes Magneto trying to blow up a chemical plant.  Magneto is a tragic figure to only the viewer and Xavier, but his actions are completely asshole moves.  

Lesson 2) Professor X’s mind reading powers are a metaphor for understanding

See here

Jerks are jerks for a reason.  Behind Magneto’s evil mutant speeches is a scared little Jewish boy whose parents were killed by Nazis, behind Sabretooth is a mutant who was put behind cages, and behind the human leader of the anti-mutant organization is a boy who was beat up by his mutant dad.  In the world of the X-men jerks exist in humans and in mutants.  As soon as the X-men fight off Magneto the news reports that MUTANTS ARE AT IT AGAIN TRYING TO KILL US ALL.  Really reporters??  We all know that it was the actions of one asshole and not mutant-kind that did all of this damage. 

Lesson 3) Magneto is wrong, but so is Professor X in some ways.

Listen to Professor X Here:

I let my passion for an ideal that all mutants could be brothers blind me.

Now that’s heavy stuff. Mutants will never stand united because the reality is that there will always be jerks within those ranks, just like there will always be jerks on the human side.  People will have fucked up childhoods and they’ll all grow up to be fucked up adults and there’s little that Professor X can do other than…

Lesson 4) Fight the jerks

Through understanding the jerks, exposing the assholes, through fighting them (the Xmen fight using fists, court battles, and psychological warfare), by realizing that there aren’t Mutants vs Humans but honest folks vs assholes.  

I think people who watch tv and are ashamed of “their own kind” whether it’s poor black kids beating up strangers, gays in Toronto parading with their dicks out, or straight men who rape women, they could take really apply those lessons to their life.  The world would improve greatly if people understood that some mutants and some humans are just assholes regardless of how many traits they share with you.