What I Learned from Politics From The Last New York Blizzard

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As I enter what appears suspiciously like adulthood, I try and learn on a daily basis profound lessons about how this culture works.  For the longest time I couldn’t figure out politics, specifically, how to use the democratic system.  Does one just vote for the lesser of two evils? Maybe you vote for the person who agrees with you the most?

No, it was only last year when I had an epiphany about our voting system that I’m sure will clear up a great deal of confusion among the people of my generation y.  I provide this list as a guide to people who used to incorrectly think that they were voting for a “leader” someone who would be “best for society.”  Here we go

Do U Wnt 2 Be My Boifriend

Life in Manhattan is like living inside a gigantic Twitter stream.

-Susan Orlean

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” I texted this message into the digital ether like a drowning man reaches for a wayward lifeline.

Two men had descended on Stoner G and I, “The ghost of pussy past, and the ghost of pussy future,” I told Stoner G in a cynical tone.  The ghost of pussy past had curly hair and was wholly unremarkable, the ghost of pussy future was from Canada and had recently started chatting me up.  He had two buttons undone exposing some chest flesh, he had a swagger of a smile and said things in my ear like “let’s move, I just farted.”

Giving Up Caffeine

Something was very wrong.

From the morning upper shot of coffee bought from the small bodegas that littered the Manhattan Midtown fashion-scape that made me hyper aware of my tittering fingers, to the post-lunch can or bottle of soda that I drank which provided me with precious seconds full of bug eyes (just enough time to dream of being elsewhere), and finally to the evening glass of wine meant more as a red satin bed to cushion the hard fall; I was a wreck.

You take caffeine for granted because everyone’s on it, but it’s still a mood alterer.  I figured I’d feel like a 50 year old man by 6 o clock because I was getting older, but it didn’t feel right.  It wasn’t the tiredness of a marathon and it was unbecoming of someone of the age of 28.

“This is the caffeine.  This is chemical.  I  need to stop drinking it.”

Quitting things is my specialty.  Giving up coffee was as easy as giving up cigarettes or blow for that matter, and it was similarly done on a whim.

What followed were 2 days of enormous crashing.  I was like a boxer who was losing to a knockout champ.  Several times my head almost hit my keyboard at work even as the CEO stood behind me talking to someone else.  I’d felt that feeling before when I would miss a cup o’ joe on accident, but I reasoned that this was just a withdrawal stage and if I kept going then it would wear off and then…