Meanhood Rogues Gallery: The Evil Doppelganger

I thought I felt crabs, and I think I knew who gave them to me.

When I sat I felt crawling vicious things running rampant between my thighs.  I’d only felt this feeling once before when I found crabs in my nether regions at the tender age of 19.  I was living in Harlem all alone and–for the first time–living away from my mother or any sympathetic ear.

I wrote my mother a tearful fair well in spanish before I left Los Angeles. I told her I loved her and that I would miss her. As I left her at the airport she told me to be good, and what happens when I came to NY?

Hostile alien life forms invaded my genitalia.

The saying is history repeats itself, first as tragedy and then as farce.  I was scared when I was 19, but now I was disgusted.

“I think I have crabs,” I told Fly G over instant messenger.  He is my pill popping rock, my alcoholic confidante.

“EWWWW LOL You have what?” Was his response.

Idol Worship

Every year I pray to a Christmas tree.

My family encircles around a plastic tree heavily decorated in gaudy strings and multicolored lights.  I’ve seen Christmas trees elegantly decorated in the living rooms of professional life partners with a keen eye for subtly, but my families trees are always decorated as a clownish mockery of Americana– decorated with the blasphemous eyes of an immigrant who misappropriates.