Holding Hands in New York City

20 Sep

*Red signifies safety, blue signifies danger.


Have you ever strolled with your girlfriend or boyfriend down Times Square and had a pack of Man-imals descend on you with weapons in hand bent on beating you and yours within an inch of your life?  Probably not, because you are probably heterosexual and maybe also in a same race relationship as well.

For the rest of us there are degrees of safety when it comes to holding hands while outdoors, this means that you are never 100% safe just like you’re never 100% safe from STDs while even just touching another person.  Your safety and your loved ones safety in New York city have a great deal to do with your location.

There are safety quadrants around the New York grid that one should be aware about when holding hands or showing affection in public if you are a homosexual male or lesbian or transgendered or polyamorous (I suppose on that last one).

You want to stay clear of the Bronx, which goes without saying, and you want to cool it in Harlem where Fly G informs me you will get catcalled but not bullied.  Common sense dictates that any neighborhood consisting of large amounts of black people hanging outside for no good reason are not safe havens for hand holding.

…unless the blacks are queeny.

While you may think you are safe in touristy areas like Times Square there could be the wayward knife or bat to the face by some backwater tourists, in which case one should show affection but maybe not make out like other regular couples do.

Any area below 96th street that isn’t touristy is ideal for affection and hand holding so long as you’re in a somewhat crowded area, no sense walking along 10th avenue down an alleyway where a group of shifty looking latin folks toss you and yours into a body of water.  Be wary of younger latino folk who congregate outdoors in large groups for no reason.

…unless they’re queeny.

The more developed areas of the west village and the slightly hipper locations of the east village are. Walking while holding hands in artsy white neighborhoods like Williamsburg in Brooklyn will make you seem cooler rather than get kicked in the shin, as long as Puerto Rican flags aren’t waving overhead.  Be mindful of groups of white street toughs who are up to no good.

…just kidding, they’re pussies. Two fast pairs of air punching fists will usually scare them away.

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