The Pregnant Problem

14 Dec

This morning I woke up to the Today show, and I know what you’re thinking, “gee that’s unfortunate enough…”

But the pain only started there. I woke up to news that the pay gap between females and males is bigger than we thought.

I thought it was already astronomically big, so I was surprised to learn that it might be bigger than that, maybe as big as a small Saturn moon!

As the expert on TV said, the gender gap is huge in part because women often take maternity leave, and the knack of the few to get pregnant reflects broadly on other females who are in it to win it.

And I got to thinking, how come science hasn’t solved the illness of pregnancy?

In the age of convenience, where I can summon up a literary work of art on a tablet named Kindle, where boredom is battled by Netflix streaming and iTunes, where people can have sex without catching diseases, why hasn’t science solved the problem of the 9 month pregnancy?

Why can’t we multiply without women? It has to be possible! I don’t understand why a woman NEEDS to carry something in her own body for 9 months and then give birth in order to preserve the sanity of civilization.  I would think in such a modern age that something that messy would be done away with.  I would hope that incubators would take over the job of growing a fetus the size of half-a-penny.

If someone told me that the well-being and divinity of an entire race was contingent on something growing inside me for 9 months and then bursting out of my dick hole, then I’d tell that person to forget my name right after I emptied out a whole bottle of mace on their face.

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