Apology Not Accepted

21 Jun
 I’m currently processing several notices of apology from various celebrities, supergroups, and a few semi-private citizens. I’m usually on top of this sort of thing, but it seems like  they’ve grown and grown, and this week in particular I’ve just reached a threshold of apologies that I can’t process. 
Here’s what’s on my plate:

1. Exodus International – I’m primarily a gay rights advocate, so it was nice to hear that they apologized. It was nice, at first, but then it sinks in that they’ve been harming homosexual youth and adults for 40 years and decided that a note was enough to make up for that.  Also, they aren’t really closing, they’re shuttering off into another service that will conveniently comply with some looming laws that would have outlawed their practice anyway…

2. Penny Arcade – Oh looks like one of their founders said some hateful things about trans people (again). I’m for trans rights and I am a gamer, and Penny Arcade hosts some pretty important gamer conventions, and it’s important to me that my hobbies can be shared by all. The apology was…not very good, and they’ve said some hateful pro-rapist stuff in the past as well…

3. Anthony Weiner – I haven’t really processed the first two, but it seems like Anthony Weiner was caught assuaging the guilt of a potential voter who called Christinne Quinn a dyke to his face. I live in NY and, again, I’m all about the gay rights so this is a tough one…

4. Kickstarter – It looks like they helped fund a “seduction” book that is pro-rape. I’m pretty interested in people not raping people and stopping rape culture, so I guess I should look into this apology. They apologized, but said they couldn’t do anything about the funding of the book, it’s funded, so, kickstarter funded a rape book but promised not to do that again in the…

5. Serena Williams – Oh it looks like she blamed the victim of the Steubenville rape in a Rolling Stone interview. Boy, this is getting sort of tired isn’t it?

6. Paula Deen – Just…ENOUGH.

An apology is such a burden, such goddamn pressure, and I don’t have any time for it. It’s enough! In whose twisted mind did we cook up the celebrity super apology? What am I to make of so many pithy empty statements from all of these people? If accepting apologies is a prerequisite for living in this society, then I reject society. This is tiring.

No one is perfect. No one is perfect. I think every single adult in the world knows this, but we also know that we must–at the very least–be polite to each other in public. An apology is something you offer someone you love or respect, it isn’t something you offer up to save your own hide. I don’t expect this world to be perfect, or for everyone to know exactly how to behave, but I hope this world doesn’t expect me to drop everything I’m doing to accept some clown’s apology every time they fail to do some basic research.

No apologies accepted. We are closed for business. The direction you want your public persona to take is on you, buddy. The public is not your training wheel to learn how to talk to people you’ve never talked to before. I am not your teacher. This is not school.

Your apology is just another form of control, it’s attention-seeking, you want whole demographics to just nod their head in agreement. This will no longer happen.

Patton Oswalt wrote something about how wrong he was for defending rape jokes. Read this part:

And just because I find rape disgusting, and have never had that impulse, doesn’t mean I can make a leap into the minds of women and dismiss how they feel day to day, moment to moment, in ways both blatant and subtle, from other men, and the way the media represents the world they live in, and from what they hear in songs, see in movies, and witness on stage in a comedy club.

Good for you, Patton Oswalt, and this will be something personal you undertake. It’ll be growth, maturation, I wish you luck on not being a fuckhead, it is an important thing to undertake, and thanks for not asking for an apology.

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4 Responses to “Apology Not Accepted”

  1. funnysister June 21, 2013 at 11:20 pm #

    Great post!

    “An apology is something you offer someone you love or respect, it isn’t something you offer up to save your own hide.” is just so well said and simply brilliant.

    • Kevin J. June 24, 2013 at 9:49 am #

      Thanks for the compliment. Thanks are so much better than apologies.

  2. formerly justaguynatl June 22, 2013 at 1:00 am #

    When are you going to apologize! Every time, and I mean every time, I read one of your little essays, as I scroll down the page, I notice these little red specks on my screen. WTF, how did blood get on my screen? From where did it come? Am I bleeding? Did a bug fly into my screen? I frantically try to brush the specks off, but they’re still there! They won’t go away. Then it hits me. How dumb. So I am waiting; waiting for an apology for making me feel dumb!

    PS: Maybe if you wrote more often, I could get use to the red specks 🙂

    • Kevin J. June 24, 2013 at 9:48 am #

      HAHA, sorry about that. I thought it was a neat effect but maybe it’s just too weird. Apologies

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