Final Verdict: Love Actually is a Goddamn Mediocre Movie

11 Dec

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The Atlantic Says: Love Actually Is the Least Romantic Film of All Time

Mother Jones is like: No Way, Love Actually Matters and is Really Romantic

Kind of having a “pox on both your houses” moment, but both articles are half-right, but also reach the wrong conclusion.

The Atlantic: Love Actually does have a bit of a whacky set of values on Love, but stories don’t have to have great values, those are fables you’re thinking of, dear.

The Atlantic on the missing aspects of love in the movie:

Begin with the elevation of physical attraction over any of the other factors typically associated with romantic compatibility: similar likes and dislikes, overlapping senses of humor, shared values, what have you.

This is the most un-sexiest thing I’ve ever read about love…ever. Shared values? Why don’t we just print out and give each other our credit scores, The Atlantic? If you think this is going to woo anyone then you have a lot of work cut out for you.

The Atlantic is right on about the tacked on stories in Love Actually, I mean, that Bill Nighy thing doesn’t make a lick of sense, It’s wrong about how people fall in love though, people sometimes fall in love for dumb reasons, and it is this dumbness that is the core of the movie.

Mother Jones: Whoever wrote this is thirsty and needs to get laid asap.

That romantic gesture? Stop. Do not let them know that you have had any of these thoughts, just stop. Don’t let them know you have any affection at all, just stop. For real, don’t, stop. From personal experience, don’t, stop. You’ll look like an idiot; stop. You’ll embarrass yourself; stop.

Wow, please, stop, but for real. MoJo understands the movie better than the Atlantic, but understanding a bad movie doesn’t make it a good movie. Yes, Love Actually is about romance, and the grand gesture, but it doesn’t say anything new about romance and the grand gesture. It’s as empty as an unwanted marriage proposal.

The interesting thing about Love Actually is when romance is pictured as evil, but its shown as just one facet of romance. The very nature of the movie is of a celebration which its kin shares. New Years! Valentines Day! A celebration! Please.

Conclusion and Final Verdict: Love Actually is a hyper-celebratory movie about romance that is empty and is only a holiday classic if you’re basic.

Thanks.

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