Why does Normal “stick” to gay people? or What if I told you the Honey Maid couple were cum dumpsters?

11 Mar


When we talk about gay people we tend to talk in terms of who is normal and who isn’t. There is a debate next to the gay marriage “debate,” one that is smaller and really only of interest to people in the gay community. It posits that the entirety of gay marriage is a policy pushed by a cabal of Stepford Gays, mostly white and affluent, that have it in their minds to push an agenda of normalization across the rest of queerdom.

On the other side of the Stepford Gays are the transgressive gays, the rebels, the almost shamanistic poly-loving tribal gays. They’re usually represented as the hedonistic gays from the 80’s. There was an old theory floating around that the reason gays tended to be more “normal” now is that the US AIDS plague dropped the transgressive gays in large numbers, leaving only the monogamous Pollyannas.

I’ve always had trouble subscribing to a theory so academic that it loses sight of actual people. Actual gays–you see–have a tendency to reorient themselves against ‘normal’ as a defense mechanism. We do so even before we have heard of the theory of normalization. We do this because there aren’t many of us, and we must feel special in order to survive.

But, I can’t help but watch that Honey Maid doc and wonder why Normal sticks to gay people. By stick I mean, why is the label of normal all-encompassing? Straight people can be downright dirty transgressive dick pigs in the morning and then married in the evening. Straight people can have secrets, dirty bedroom lives, sordid pasts, but gay people can just be politically divided into “transgressive” and “normal.”

Watch any straight romantic comedy and marvel at how straight people get away with being both weird and wholesome. A guy screwing a pie turns into American Wedding.

I think Normal sticks to gays because we let it. Because some gay people have a tendency to police the borders of sexuality and gender. Because gay organizations can hide certain causes because they aren’t ready for the mainstream. Because even gay men can be femmephobic, sorting themselves into masc and straight acting groups.

But is even the worst most despicable gay man normal?

I think the whole business of normality is absurd, but only because it doesn’t allow for weirdness. It marks gay lives as political and not human. I’ve always felt both weird and normal–depending on the time of the day really–and it is your right to feel that way too.

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