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Bert and Ernie being gay is as American as apple pie

15 Aug

Everyone knows that Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street are a gay couple.

Bert and Ernie being gay is as American as apple pie and baseball.  Maybe we didn’t know they were gay when we were kids, but a few years later we caught them on Family Guy  and saw them being gay in a musical, and it clicked all of a sudden.  Of course they were gay, and of course Liberace wasn’t waiting for the right one, and of course Freddie Mercury was in a band called Queen and made everyone sing gay songs. 

A bunch of internet absurdists signed a petition asking them to be married (note the creepy headline use of “Group” What group? GLAAD? The NCAA? Neo Nazis!?) . Sesame’s response was tasteful, but pop culture watchdogs were overwhelmingly negative.

Bert Ernie: Just Friends
5 Reasons why Bert and Ernie shouldn’t get married

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That Guy From The Wire/Generation Kill/Ken Park

16 Jul

I was at our local Mediterranean eatery in Brooklyn when I saw him.  He was of average height and thin build with stringy black hair some of which dangled in front of his eye.  Our eyes met and I felt a spark and a feeling of recognition as shame.  I realized I was looking into the eyes of a celebrity, one I had a crush on but whose name escapes me.  You see he’s neither A-list or B-list in terms of popularity, but he has starred in several avant garde artistic endeavors as well as the Wire, the critically acclaimed HBO tv show, and one of my favorite programs of all time.

“Who was he?” my friend asked.

“He’s this guy who is pure sex.  I mean he has two legs and the rest is just sex.  He’s in Ken Park and there’s a scene in the movie where he uses a cord to strangle himself while he jerks off and he cums all over himself, and I hear it was not a prosthetic and that it was all real when they filmed it.”

“Remind me to put that on my netflix queue.”

“I tried to and they don’t have the disc!”

As we walked down Grand street on a sizzle summer day I saw him wearing a tank top with tattoos visible along his chest and arm.  We locked eyes again and the force of his stare caused me to pinch my friend who had the misfortune of being the closest thing to me that was pinchable.  As he passed us I let out a subtle “yeeeeeeeeeeh.”

“OW!” My friend recoiled as he rubbed his arm.  “What was that for.”

“It was him.  That guy, it was him again.”


“Did you ever watch the Wire? He played Ziggy.  There’s a scene where he pulls his dick out to show off to a bar full of guys, but it was a prosthetic.  He was also in Ken Park where he…” and as I looked onto my friends face I was greeted by a blank poker face.

“Argh no one knows who he is except me!  I’m a huge fan of his and he’s just pure….sex!”

Manhattan is 95 degrees but the subway tunnels are in the high 100’s.  A mass of bodies is tangle near the Brooklyn bound side of the L train platform waiting for a long-delayed train.  As I struggle to make my way through the crowd to take an alternate train home I see him.  He is wearing a sensible shirt and shorts with short hair.  He is covered in sweat and so am I, and then we lock eyes for a nanosecond as we brush by each other.

Generation Kill.

James Ransone.  Damn.

No words were exchanged, just penetrative looks.

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